How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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