i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
