When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
