fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.