it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.