This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.