A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
