Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.