She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
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Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.