Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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