WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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