First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
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Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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