I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize