Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
