i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
