I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
