woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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