Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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