I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
