1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
