I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
