im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
