have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
