I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
