she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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