I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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