Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
