Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
