Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
