If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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