I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
