While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
