you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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