i permit you to call me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
