I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
