Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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