The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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