he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
