1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
