how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
