so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
