just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
soo... how was my night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.