why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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