turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
