the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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