dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
