Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Every concussion has its silver lining
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
