I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
