my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
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Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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