we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
