There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize