You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
