Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
