Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
