Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
