For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
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I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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