I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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