I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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