I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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