I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
