Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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