Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
