Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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