So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize