she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
