i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
