He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
