couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
